The Hours Spent

This past week, I worked 60 hours between my 2 jobs. I have never done this before, and it made for a very stressful week. I've had ideas and thoughts floating around the back of my mind regarding what I wanted to share today, and the word 'hardships' popped in my head more than any other. I learned a few things after my long work week. 

1. I survived. (Even though there were a couple times I thought I would "die" or pass out from sheer exhaustion/thirst/hunger) 
2. I understand. I can say I've done it and be sympathetic toward others who have experienced it.
3. I don't ever want to do it again. 

As this list manifested in my mind, I realized how it also applies to a divorce. I went from being a home owner, to almost having to live out of my car. The few family members that would still speak to me, opened their homes to me so I wouldn't be homeless, though the living situations were not ideal for me to recover emotionally. I was promised a full time job, so I quit my part time job, just to become jobless for months. My car was my only form of transportation and my last option for shelter if needed, and it was in danger of being repossessed. I was physically assaulted by my then step father and was in fear of my physical safety. I had no friends during this time and had never felt more alone or isolated in my life. The tears that streamed down my face were frequent, and bitter. I was tempted to turn to worldly "solutions" to numb me from the seemingly unending pain I was feeling. At one point, I felt so dead inside, all I wanted to do was end everything altogether. I survived, but I wasn't living. I had never been more miserable in my life.

I was so low, that the only direction I could look, was up. This was also a trial of my faith. I had a recurring prompting,"There is healing in music." It took me awhile to act upon it, and when I did, I joined a local institute choir and I began to finally feel peace again. I returned to standing in holy places, and slowly but surly, the pain began to ebb away. I met people and participated in events that would help change my heart, and in the long run, my life. I had to reach out to Heavenly Father so he could lift me up, and I've found giving my will over to him has never made me more happy, though it was no easy task. My biggest trial so far in life has helped me be more compassionate and loving towards others in the same or similar circumstances, and I wouldn't trade that understanding for anything.

I can hope I will wear white again in the Temple of the Lord with a worthy man to be my eternal companion, but I also know there is always the possibility that I may never marry again in this life. My self worth and divine purpose is not linked to a marriage. I can be the person the Lord wants me to be whether or not I marry again. I know I have it in me to marry again, but I couldn't go through another divorce, it would destroy me, I don't ever want to do it again.

The hours spent in the hardships we encounter are to help us come out to be a better person in the end. Have faith in every footstep, and by bettering yourself, you can uplift other people along the way in this thing we call life.